Jumper*: Boden / Dress*: Motel / Boots: Boohoo / Scarf: Zara (similar here)/ Bag: YesStyle / Earrings*: Wild & Wishful (similar here) / Necklace*: Engelsrufer / Watch*: Christian Paul / Knot Ring*: Vintage Styler
Mild temperatures, feeling only mildly festive and moody in a way that makes me ashamed at this time of year.
Sometimes when you write from the heart, the words don’t look pretty on the page. Instead, they look somewhat bland and sad. I’d love to sit here and type you a pretty post but I’d be falsely conveying positivity that I don’t feel. I choose honesty instead.
To tell you the truth, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. I’m busy, stressed and I’ve forgotten how to look after myself in that my appearance is no longer something I’m comfortable with. I feel like I’m plodding along, getting by instead of really living a happy and fulfilled life. I’m blessed in more ways than one; with my job and the opportunities that it brings, with my close friends and family and actually that I’m alive – and healthy. But underneath the surface, I feel restless and dissatisfied. I work a lot but I know I could do more, use my time more productively. I used to eat well, before I slipped into bad habits of raiding the kitchen at midnight and seeking solace in sugar at the first sign of stress. I see my friends – yet I know, not often enough. And as for family? I can’t remember the last time I was fully present during a conversation and not sporadically checking emails and social media.
I’m having a blip. As the year comes to a close, I’m realising all the things I want to change and do differently. And yet, rather than putting a plan into action, I just feel sad (which by the way, is perfectly okay sometimes). A close friend of mine once explained to me the significance of feeling every emotion, even if you don’t want to. She told me to stop fighting, to embrace them and to let them pass in their own time. She was right – though we may not always have control over our emotions, we have control over how we deal with them. And often, fighting them only intensifies our distress.
Christmas is my favourite time of year, so I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated with myself for not celebrating in the way I usually would. I keep asking myself why I can’t just smile and enjoy each and every moment in the run up to the big day. But now I’m taking a more rational approach. I feel sad – but I won’t feel this way forever. Emotions are fleeting, temporary. And I encourage you to remember that.
So while I sit here typing and thinking about when I can slip off to bed with a hot chocolate and retire for the evening, I also know that come Christmas Day – perhaps even tomorrow – things will be different. I will leap out of bed, down my coffee and proceed to bounce around all day happily ticking things off my to-do list and beaming at strangers. Just not today.
Love, Beth xo.
Disclaimer: all items marked with an asterisk have been gifted to me for promotional purposes.