I’m often absent on this blog. Granted, bound by words on an e-contract, I have to be mindful of what I post and when; the when sometimes commanding a break, a gap, a silence that I’m not comfortable with. And it’s in those moments of silence that I long to pour my heart onto this page and tell you what I’m thinking, feeling, experiencing. I want to tell stories and share snippets of my diary, invite you into my world offline. And then I think – is that unprofessional? Would that taint my brand? And how ridiculous; because this website, this space for me to share is exactly that – a space for me to share. And that’s what I always did, in the beginning. I shared whatever I wanted, when I wanted. And then this happened. This development of a hobby I’m so passionate about into a business, into a job that enables me to earn a living. And I am forever grateful, overwhelmed that it’s possible for me to do what I love and make money from it. But I feel like I’m fumbling around unknowingly and in not telling you that, I feel like a fraud.
Snapchat is my most candid medium. Whether I’m sat at my desk surrounded by empty wrappers or just talking to you, telling you about my day and how I feel – it’s real. And for some, that might be boring. I’m not high-flying or jet-setting like other bloggers you might follow and yes one day, I hope to be. But right now? I’m me, and I’m doing my very best. When my blog goes blank and there’s nothing new? I’m working like a trojan behind the scenes to bring you the best content I possibly can. If I took every opportunity that came my way, who knows where I’d be today. But I’d have lost my integrity. So if being selective means it’s a slower journey to the top, I’m okay with that. Mediocre doesn’t make me proud, average frustrates me and if I can’t be my best? I’d rather not be anything at all.
But all of these words, these sentences strung out by eager fingers furiously tapping away at a keyboard, they make me so nervous. Is this what you want to read? Probably not. I’m sure you’d rather scroll a dense photo diary of beaches, pretty bikinis and cocktails served in coconuts. And I don’t blame you, I would too. But I value honesty and I value words; they allow self-expression and the release of emotions that we all too often keep hidden away from the outside world. They allow us to make sense of our struggles and share our troubles. They allow us to connect and communicate. They allow us to be free.
So at times when I can’t show you pretty photos or share my love of a new product or brand, I want to be able to share with you my words. I am fumbling, you know that and so do I. This industry is overwhelming, it demands time and energy that I often don’t have. It’s competitive, it’s tough and sometimes brutal, to the point where I switch off my laptop, turn off my phone and just cry, if only for a minute or two. But it’s also an industry that I feel honoured to be a part of; it’s strong, it’s empowering and it’s changing the world, in the way we think, see, buy, live. So yes, I’m still figuring out where I stand, whether I fit in, and yes, I feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark. And all I can say is thank you. Thank you for being there, for showing your support, love and appreciation. Thank you for enabling me to live my dream and thank you too for understanding when and why I need a break, a little space.
For all that you do for me, the least I can offer is my honesty.