So I’m just gonna briefly explain what it’s like to go back home having set up a ‘new life’ around 250 miles away. It’s weird. So weird that home no longer feels like home (or it didn’t the first time I went back anyway). The first of my trips home from uni was planned; the train tickets had been booked and paid for weeks in advance, my family knew I was coming and it was marked in the diary in thick black pen. The second happened on a whim; I bought my train tickets merely 48 hours before, following an awful argument and very emotional make-up with my Mum, leaving us both desperate for a massive cuddle on the sofa with a hot chocolate. So that was that.
Don’t ask me why, my first trip home was awful. There’s no other way to put it. I felt like a stranger in my own home, I cried because it brought back memories I wish I didn’t have and I couldn’t wait to get back to my uni house. The second time however, was magical. It was a whistle-stop trip (1 and a half days to be exact) and I think I smiled the entire time. I spent every second of it with my Mum; laughing, shopping, catching up and having lots of comfort cuddles. I went back to uni feeling warm and content, even wishing I could have stayed for just another day. I guess what I’m trying to say, or what I think I want to say, is that it’s all about perspective. I was partially dreading the first trip (I wish I was able to explain why but I was a ball of mixed emotions at the time) and yet the second happened so spontaneously that it was just an exciting surprise that I was determined to make the most of. Don’t get me wrong, there were factors that contributed to the stark contrast in my two experiences but without a shadow of a doubt, it was my attitude that made the most difference.
And that’s something I’m working on. I’ve realised that I’ve been very negative lately, becoming stressed and acting self-destructively which only leads to a downward spiral of lacking confidence and unhappiness. It might not be the new year yet but I’m making my resolution now. It’s absolutely never too late to start afresh – and that’s exactly what I plan on doing.
Love, Beth xo.
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