Hello you lovely people. Firstly if you’re reading this, I’d like to say thank you – for your support, encouragement and loyalty as a reader of this blog, which entails sporadic posting and quitely frankly, an awful lot of waffle. I thought it was time for a little life update, for me to check in and let you all know a little bit about what’s going on and hence why blog posts have been few and far between and not entirely of the quality that I strive for.
So this photo was taken by my lovely friend Annabel on Friday, before I got my hair dyed which if you follow me on Twitter or have me on Snapchat (beth-norton), you’ll know all about by now (let’s just say I’m pretty damn happy about it!). But anyway, I chose this photo because I look content and well, happy (definitely helped by the fact that I’m cradling a soy chai latte). I haven’t seen a photo of me smiling like this in years and it’s certainly been a while since I’ve felt truly happy. And if I’m honest, I wouldn’t say I am. Though I’m certainly getting there.
For months and months now, I’ve felt restless, uncomfortable and a bit stuck. I’ve always been motivated, driven and had hundreds of ‘goals’ and things I wanted to achieve. There’s just one problem: I’ve never really believed in myself and I’ve been told this countless times over the years. Have faith in yourself, they say. You can do this. I believe in you, now start believing in yourself. But it’s not that simple is it? We all have doubts and niggles and fears. And I’ve always allowed those fears to overcome my abilities, meaning that I’m too scared to take risks, too scared to chase the dreams that I’ve had for years. And yes, if I’m honest, I’m scared about publishing this blog post. How will it be received? Will it be met with eye rolls and numerous people ‘unfollowing’ me on social media? Or will some of what I’m saying resonate with you and you’ll understand?
3 months ago, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life: I quit university. Although I’ve never actually stated that anywhere on the internet, I’m sure many of you are aware as I’m in and out of London constantly and make frequent references to ‘going to work’ – and not just at the weekends. I’m currently interning in social media and PR and I’m loving it. Every day I seem to face disapproval or disbelief from someone different and yes, every day I doubt myself. And that leaves me feeling like I constantly need to prove myself. But why? I did what was right for me and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I have BIG ambitions and I fully intend to keep my ‘eyes on the prize’.
So I’m thoroughly enjoying work and I love being in the city for a couple of days a week. While I was new to the job, I was lazy in my free time. Commuting is exhausting so I’d get home in the evenings and binge watch Netflix with a tub of ice cream and various other junky treats – not the best time management, am I right? I just couldn’t get out of this rut; I was being so unproductive, so lazy and actually, I felt pretty crap – for a long time (we’re talking months and months). And this sounds so awfully cliché but quite literally, just over a week ago, something ‘clicked’. I felt like I’d been waiting for this moment for eternity. Enough said the voice in my head. Quit wasting time, quit feeding your body junk and most importantly – quit feeling sorry for yourself. So I did. Or so I’ve started … these things are never easy. So now, I’m trying extremely hard to keep on top of emails, to track and calculate my weekly expenditure, to keep writing my ‘to-do’ lists and actually successfully ticks things off, to plan blog content (and to take the time to properly schedule times and locations of shoots), to make time for exercise and to eat a little more healthily (cue endorphins and happiness that make me wonder how I ever came to ‘fall off the bandwagon’ in the first place) and to just be PRODUCTIVE. Hell, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow I wouldn’t have achieved 1% of what I want to achieve in my lifetime. So what am I waiting for?!
I feel at this point I should start to wind down my ranting, I congratulate you if you’ve even made it this far. But I just felt I needed to get that off my chest. I’m working on me right now and I think (as of the last 10 or so days), I’m doing a pretty good job *insert cute blushing cheeks emoji*. So I apologise if my content has been inconsistent and not to the highest standard. The truth is, I would rather not post at all than publish posts that I’m not proud of and not happy with. And I need to stick to that! And work hard to bring you guys the fabulous content that you deserve; which in turn, means I’d be just that little step closer to actually having pride in myself and what I do.
– Noun: baby step – a tentative act or measure which is the first stage in a long or challenging process –
I can do this.
Love, Beth xo.